Have You A Volcano Of Anger And Revenge Deep Inside You?

What do you do when the enormity of the abuse that has happened to you over your life time is right there in your face?

Flowing rock by Paul Bica

What do you do when the enormity of the abuse that has happened to you over your life time is right there in your face?

It has taken years of hard painful work to come to terms with all the abuse. You are feeling your ‘righteous anger’ rising.

The word ‘revenge’ drops into your thoughts. This causes a conflict from within as you remember a verse that talks about revenge.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD. Romans 12:19

But, what can you do with these feelings of anger and revenge?

 

There is a huge volcano welling up inside and you feel like you are going to explode.

I have heard these feelings expressed countless times when in the company of those who are survivors of abuse. I have expressed these thoughts myself.

When you are in the midst of being abused, all your focus and energy goes into ‘just surviving’. You think, ‘one day in the future Daddy (God) will stop this happening to me, I must hang on until then’.

Finally you have escaped and the abuse has stopped! Why then is your world collapsing around you? You say, “I don’t understand. Why, now I have escaped the abuse, can I not cope with daily living? This is crazy! Please Daddy, help me! I have no one else to turn to.”

Your emotions are everywhere. There is anger, sadness, relief, joy, tears, confusion and fear, just to name a few. Who am I really? I am no longer a victim. Again, who am I? You have heard sermons and read books (including the Bible) that you are made in the image of Daddy.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

For you created my inmost being;.......Psalm 139:13

To cope in an abusive environment, you would have developed ‘coping strategies'. Even when you have changed your environment you still continue to live out of these as that is all you know. It is a way of life.

You decide to get ‘Professional’ help. This ‘Professional’ help could take a multitude of forms, such as a group approach, one on one, a team of different trained people, just to name a few.

Are you now in the position that I mentioned earlier? A volcano of ‘righteous anger’ has been growing inside you and there is part of you that would like revenge? The problem for you is that you need to leave revenge to Daddy (God).

What do you do? You are at a crossroads. You can go Daddy’s (God’s) way or go your own way. It is your choice.

I have been going through this process myself. It is not easy!

 

There are no easy paths to follow.

I am discovering, for me, that if I walk hand in hand with Daddy, Spirit (Holy), Jesus and trusted person(s), I am making forward progress. Sometimes I slip back a bit, but as I said before it is not an easy journey.

Being able to gradually express the anger and revengeful thoughts in my volcano to Daddy in a safe environment with trusted person(s), I am finding I can hand the revenge over to Daddy as He knows everything that has happened to me. He also knows my abusers better than I do.

Deep down, I would not wish the abuse I experienced on any other human being, including my abusers. I realised, I could not live with myself if I hurt someone else and they experienced even a little of what happened to me.

One of the other important things I have discovered and that Daddy has shown me is that it is OK to be angry and want revenge about what has happened to me. It was horrific abuse.

 

What is critical is that I take it to Him.

The Family (Trinity) as I call them, I have found, are the only ones that can meet the depths of pain in my heart and soul. Daddy has also given me the gift of safe person(s) who have modelled what agape, human love is when it is centred in The Family. The consistency of The Family and the trusted person(s)’ love for me has been pivotal to get me to where I am today on my life journey.

I hope and pray that what I have briefly shared in writing this, will encourage other ‘survivors’, wherever you are on your journey, that there is hope, life and a future after abuse. For me, my past, present and future have to be centred in The Family.

What have/are you doing with your feelings of anger and revenge?

Marion Taylor
Image: Paul Bica - Creative Commons Flickr
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